Social Conservative Movement Dies Strange and Terrible Death
The only thing more worthless than a social conservartive member of the GOP on this campaign trail is a crippled circus monkey on heroin. Despite all the incessant whining about McCain's less than glorious rise to become the Republican Party's next wrinkled empty suit, the moderates and independants (you know, people who make sense) carried the elderly statesmen to an easy frontrunner position in the aftermath of Super Tuesday. Amazingly, without the use of a stretcher, wheelchair or a portable IV.
With Romney out of the race, there is no longer any vapid, cute guys with great hair to vote for (so long, Edwards). There's Obama, but frankly, he scares me when he smiles. He possesses the evil, cunning smile of a man who eats babies when no one is looking. He is a Chicago politician, after all. The conservative pundits should be focusing on this particularly callow man and ways to beat him with a broken chairleg rather than moaning and complaining about how the party's ideals are being compromised when in fact, they're swinging back to the days of Lincoln.
"If I really wanted to torpedo McCain, I would endorse him, because that would send the independents and liberals that are going to vote for him running away faster than anything. What people don't realize is, I'm doing McCain the biggest favor that could be done for him by staying out. If I endorse him thoroughly, with passion, that would end the independents and moderates because they so despise me, they so hate me," said Rush Limbaugh. It's no secret that this guy's show is famous for being the most unintentionally funny thing on radio. So when he says something as self-aggrandizing as this, you know he's serious. But is he right? After all, this could just be some thinly veiled ploy to get the other pundits like Coulter and Colmes to stop saying they support Hillary lest someone take them seriously. Small chance of that happening, but I'm just saying, it could be true.
If we were in 15th century Italy, the spineless lemmings that make up the social conservative wing of the GOP would have been killed off by Lorenzo de Medici's numerous henchmen back in the Bush vs Gore election. Rove's head would still be hanging on Pennsylvania Ave for the next 5 years following that. At least. But, since we live in a country that has more to brag about than good food, the American people were forced to sit through a rather vomit-inducing 8 years of mediocrity. It would have been entertaining if the Bush Presidency had been bad compared to say, Hoover or Carter. However, I am pleased to say if the current trend continues, then one can only hope that they go the way of the Know Nothing party. Having a few victories in the beginning yet quickly fading into obscurity.
Karl Rove's strategy of mobilizing the social conservatives worked well for winning elections by a hair. However, the strategy also alienated many other wings of the party and marginalized the minority party. This resulted in making governing much more difficult because it's success was predicated upon the rampant polarization of the left and the right. In other words, the Democrats were locked in a closet on The Hill and told to sit around and play Wii all day while the Big Dawgs did all the governing. Which usually entailed playing Beer Pong to vote on Appropriations Bills while playing Halo 2. Ah, 2006. Those were the days.
This is 2008. We have a congress controlled by Democrats. Their biggest accomplishment is Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi completely revamping the diet of the cafeteria. In one election, Congress went from Animal House to Full House. Complete with homosexual overtones but minus the coke and anorexia. The American people have nothing to show for it. So, a bit of a paradigm shift was needed for the next guy in line. McCain's campaign didn't seem to get that at first, losing the front runner position to Guiliani and Romney over the summer as he was in dire straits due to lack of funding and political support. But McCain out-campaigned all of them, just like he said he would. Gathering the support of people jaded and weary from the Bush Presidency but having declared a blood vow to never vote Democrat back in the 70s. This was supposedly done under the watchful glowing red gaze of Henry Kissinger, who's wailing and gnashing of fangs makes even the most violent of men seem docile by comparison.
So, with this palpable shift in strategy used by a man known to split with his party to work with the other side to get things done, it's no wonder that Bush remained confident that McCain would get the nomination even when things looked bleak. The social conservatives backed Romney, who has the people skills of an oak tree and Huckabee, who's progressive elitism keeps him despise by the establishment. With no candidate to choose from, it is apparent that their day in the sun is over. Someone, get the champagne.
